Terrible sales calls

I’ve noticed over recent months that we are getting more and more sales calls and spam and that these are coming from businesses who previously would not have bothered with a small company such as us. I suggest some of these larger cats have been in the comfort zone too long and need to learn some lessons from some of the fighting fit alley cats that smaller business have.

Today I received two terrible sales calls. The first was from our car leasing company. We have some company cars on contract hire from a local supplier who is a very large franchise. We have had these a couple of years and I arranged it all and met the account manager at the time to sign the documents etc.

Today he called the office and asked to speak to me – first contact in two years:

“Mr McLean”

“Yes – Hi”

“This is … from … just ringing to check on how your cars are”

“Fine thanks”

“Good – well give me a ring if you want anything”

“OK – bye”

“Bye”

I mean – what was the point of that. Presumably the account manager has been either told or decided to ring all his customers and try and drum up new business but maybe he should have been given an indication of how to do it! For example, neither myself or any of the company directors have company cars – maybe he could have asked what I drive and if I was thinking of changing it.

(For the record I cycle to work but also drive a 1995 Land Rover Discovery that I run on Bio Diesel – carbon neutral. The car has lots of seats for all the kids that I seem to have accumulated. The bike is more reliable. It’s now worth £2K more than last week for a new trade in so I might get £4K– all I need is the 26K or so to upgrade to a new one. Of course – I’d also have to have the engine taken out of the old one and put in the new one as the new ones don’t run on Biodiesel so neither me nor the planet could afford to run it – which kind of defeats the point of a new car.)

The second call was even more bizarre. Since Geraldine was meeting an insurance salesman – yes they’ve started coming to our office in person for our meager pickings – and everyone else was busy I answered the ‘phone – something I generally try to avoid.

“Stiona Software, Stuart McLean speaking” – my standard greeting.

“Can I speak to the head of marketing?”

“Can I ask what about?”

“Marketing”

“He doesn’t take sales calls”

“Will he take an email?”

“No – Bye”

I’m no sales guru – but there are some pretty fundamental mistakes here. Firstly, I identified myself when I answered the ‘phone. If the caller had spent one minute researching our website before the call he would have known that I am one of the directors. Why would you want to speak to the head of marketing if you had a director? At worst having pitched to me I would have past him down to the right person – not that we have a “head of marketing” mind you – in fact I would be the head of marketing too! (We’re not IBM.)

Secondly, its about “marketing”. Wow – now I’m excited – I can tell its really vital that I connect you straight away because boy have you convinced me about the 10 fold increase in sales I’m going to get.

Then I remember our “head of marketing” (me) doesn’t take sales calls. Maybe this isn’t a sales call? Oh it seems it is and I can opt out of it by getting an email. Perhaps I’ll not bother.

I mean – these marketing guys are just too good to use – they’ve hit the jackpot, bypassed the gatekeeper and got straight to the budget holder, decision maker and actually someone who would love to increase their market share and I don’t even know what they do (except “marketing” obviously).